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Feathers [rev.6]

20 Sep

     How shall I write about this moonless night? To go, I suppose, without eyesight. To free my mind of past mistakes that I stumbled upon in sunlight.  Or, find myself with nothing visibly at stake—and scribble down experiences still bent, unable to make straight—Yet ,allows me—to fly over their fences—

Feathers carried in the wind

Land at season’s racing feet

Dancing their last dance

(Rev 1 April 2016)

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14 Comments

Posted by on September 20, 2016 in Poetry

 

14 responses to “Feathers [rev.6]

  1. taylor

    September 20, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Wow. This is really good!

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. Victoria C. Slotto

    September 20, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    You evoke the nostalgia of autumn, the falling leaves like the feather’s last dance. Sigh. Lovely

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. ladynyo

    September 20, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    This is incredibly beautiful. I was immediately ‘taken in’ and the haiku at the end is wonderful. It all fits….the top prose is metaphysical in the best sense…..and the end haiku . it completes the theme….just wonderful. Such lyricism in your phrasing.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  4. whimsygizmo

    September 20, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    Because of those scribbled down experiences, I thought of the “feathers carried in the wind” as quills writing…which I love. Great piece.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  5. Brian

    September 20, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    Two different takes. The haiku for some reason makes me envision ostrich racing.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  6. thotpurge

    September 20, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    experiences still bent, unable to make straight… wow..lovely haibun.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  7. kanzensakura

    September 20, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    Lovely haibun. The haiku at the end is perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  8. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    September 21, 2016 at 12:01 am

    This speak to me about a trust to walk without eyesight. To know and feel safe in face of change, wonderful

    Liked by 1 person

     
  9. Vaccinius

    September 21, 2016 at 5:30 am

    BEING CLEAR

    When hope is in a pillow
    to make the pillow billow,
    the night will be no study
    by which the visions eddy.

    🙂

    Like

     
  10. Bryan Ens

    September 21, 2016 at 8:40 am

    Love the image of the moonless night erasing the mistakes of the day. Great use of internal rhyme.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  11. Bodhirose

    September 21, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    What a beautiful haibun and love your ending haiku.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  12. Sanaa Rizvi

    September 21, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Oh this left me absolutely breathless 😀

    Liked by 1 person

     
  13. mother wintermoon

    September 22, 2016 at 12:06 am

    Beautiful and evocative! Really good read.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  14. Sherry Marr

    September 22, 2016 at 10:47 am

    This is wonderful, especially the beautiful haiku. I feel those racing feet these days.

    Liked by 1 person

     

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