Sept. 29th 2020 (Quar)

 

Prologue:*

            This is my father’s birthday, now buried in the Mount Calvary Cemetery. Lost in prayer and thought having flash backs of a father never being there, mostly never here.

            Abandoned by his day-care giver (his wife), after abandoning him and the children, he was unable to deal with it alone. Sending the children to relatives.

1950’s Las Vegas Divorce **

“Life has to be given a meaning because of the obvious fact that it has no meaning.”
Henry Miller

Sitting on the fire escape

he was waiting for you to save him.

He wallowed in his inability to leave.

 

Cheap hotel: bed without bedposts, no complimentary soap.

Should he sit tight waiting for you?

To work out problems never explained

between love, residence, and a person that only pays rent?

 

All he was asking from her,

is to save the last dance for him. For love, affection,

and a future without dereliction.

“Gosh, that is a nice dress.

Bright red with sequins and plunging neckline.

You never have gone out with me, looking like that.

 

Yes, I know it’s new.

To wear when the night has no moon.

To walk the cross walks under streetlights

 

glittering with nightly specials on your low cut- menu.

Stopping anyone who has only one feeling—

to admire your attire and everything that is underneath;

 soft, round, moist, short skirt’s unrelenting heat.

 It was me.”

 

 

Wielding a face like an axe,

he silenced any objection to negative gestures of guilt,

into words, into conjecture, into blame.

The truth as he experienced it.

Another act to repeat itself in disaster—

having to search in the clutter of useless feelings.

Like her first set of headlights, windows rolled down;

to her last trick— running on empty, but, never gently.

 

Cheap hotel, bed without bedposts;

stench of stale cigarettes and after shave floating

through the next rooms’ half-opened windows.

 

He sits there without the utmost concern,

or yearning for his guardian  angel—

or for the disposition of his soul.

 

watching another night fade into morning;

waiting for Eve

to come back

and save him.

 

 

 

 

 

* “Notes Found On The Refrigerator”

** “The Night Before Breakfast”

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Notes found on the refrigerator: Sept. 1st. & 2nd. 2020: Quar

     A butterfly visited the sun flowers, kissing only a few, before she flew away. I guess the others are taking their turns.

first flower to pick

leaving the others to bloom

all to pick smiling

Sept. 2^nd.  2020: Quar

 

Oh, blissful ignorance:

     In Wilmington, Vt. watching the sun sinking behind the trees.

There is a soft breeze that exhales and inhales around me.

So, should I?

To settle this day down

And let the evenings starlight

with the moon peeking

through the clouds announce

its closure at Midnight?

grasshoppers still chirp

before the incoming frost

that moon sweeps away

 

Notes found on the refrigerator: Aug. 30th 2020: Quar

 

Green leaves shush each other,

in the gossip and the celebration

that will take place;

sometimes in loud applause

with the forceful incoming

September breeze.

 

The sun and the moon are complicit;

getting ready for the seasons fall

—In pageantry and bright colors

before winter candles are lit;

 

to read by and catch the glow

on the faces by the fireside

and smile with the rewards

of another year, gone by.

the leaves are laughing

giddy all spring and summer

sleep gently tonight

 

An Elders Love

Aug. 28^th, 2020: Quar   

       I am not a keeper of records or memories. Nor, of cream and curds mixed with fantasy and the absurd. As if… it is like yesterday or yester-year! I never know today or the future clear.

       There is a presence in the keeper’s mind of your absence; in the “tock” of time or the “tick” of our heartbeat that brings us closer, in each disappearing day.

 the rose is a scent

that wants to be remembered

knowledge understood

 

Aug. 29th, 2020: Quar

 

  There are storms and floods

covering the shallows

disparaging the un-holy;

 while the righteous soil

absorbs the water.  

And emerges as just another flower,

in the garden.

During these times:

       We are looking for monks, brothers, and sisters who live, eat, and teach in our neighborhoods.

       Instead we find a High Order of Holy Administrations that accepts, for the propagation of our core beliefs in each other, Alms… that prop up ancient Architectural structures to modern day Mansions; that feast in its symbolic understanding. Accepting tidings and spending them as a profit from a ticket purchased to Paradise, Angels, and reconciliation and if you double your offer, they’ll include free shipping.. Some admit it’s a raffle; 1^st. place, Heaven. 2^nd. place, Purgatory, 3^rd. place Hell. 4^th. Place, stay alive and pay twice.

       We are looking for the monks, brothers, and sisters who live, eat, and teach in our neighborhoods. That understands the Holy spiritual path to community without compensation or lack of dogmatic male compliance.

it’s a cloudy day

winds are changing tomorrow

sun not far behind

 

Notes found on the refrigerator Aug. 23rd. 2020 Quar

I understand why some shutter their windows

in disagreement.

But, they eventually need

to let the sun in, to shine through

open windows.

       Looking at the stones I placed around my small flower garden, I noticed this particular one, quite larger than the other ones, was placed in the middle and on top of the small stone wall. It caught my attention as it transformed into a focus that became clearer as I paid attention.

       I saw my history from childhood to my children appear and diminish as another transition appeared.

       I couldn’t take my eyes from the story-teller stone. Until it all passed, and I could focus, again on my garden.

appearance in Spring

gaiety and rebellion

settles in the fall

 

Aug. 24th  2020: Quar   

       Illness and death in a pandemic can become common place, as “Barkers” praise the immune; at the grave site of the families and friends in grief.

flowers fall to ground

as insects chew thru the stem

sowing another

Pray.

 

an editorial: To exhausted to open the refrigerator door this morning,

To exhausted to open

 the refrigerator

 door this morning,

I found this note

 getting swept up

 from the kitchen floor:

Aug. 10th 2020: Quar

       Politics has grounded up the idea that the ignorant  can become morons without learning un-biased information, even when their lives are in chaos, it comes to them through  a Piper’s flute, jumping off the cliff of the true principles they all  believe in… whether PhD., GED, home school, or on the job, life and work experience. They have nested termites under the floor of our Great Experiment. Good grief!

       Then, there are the American Patriots, rarely ever accepting a label other than they are Americans and believe in the same things all Americans agree on, and pledge Allegiance to our Constitution; without embellishment. They believe in the equality of our neighbor that makes a hood a home-town community; that excels in growth, in principle, that becomes a State with a balanced opinion by democracy and Justice. It has prospered, as a United States, the successful American Experiment that other’s said would fail. (They ask to silence the anger, demeaning slurs to our neighbor and live the American Dream, with logical dialogue. “…to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all…”

       Only an enemy of these principles, of this Awesome Country, can divide us into strife; systematically, until it implodes. Leaving the spoils for them and to enslave the people, for basic necessities. There will be no time to mourn luxury.

        The time needs to be reminded that “the times (as usual) are a changin’ …”; to correct our mis-steps going forward into the American Dream.

fog lifting the field

revealing dandelion

in execution

 

Notes found on the refrigerator Aug. 18th 2020 (QUAR)

I opened the door at dusk and caught a good size flash

of white fly in ahead of me.

 I close the door and I’m still not sure

 if it was a big moth or Tinkerbelle…

                                                           

     The plants wave and sway when I sit down among them, often, even without a breeze. At dusk, at that time, they do get a little bold, as their suitors are asleep counting their blessings..

     From dandelions, petunias, coleus, other’s that I threw the tag away at planting, and of course, the neighboring  wild daisies; we all seem to have a mutual understanding for each other.

     As sunset glows, stopping to affirm our relationship, a humming bird stops by and takes a sip of summer’s last flowers. And as a card in the spokes of a bicycle, flies away as loud as a snore.

crickets rejoice night

settling the day gracefully

awakening dew

 

notes-found-on-the-refrigerator-Aug.5th 2020 (Quar)

     Love is an illusion (friendship is instinctive), be just like me or perish (enjoy diversity), only self-serving interests (sharing and participating in another’s), laughing at calamity (understand and re-structure) …

     …Love, the unimaginable truth, and its Divinity to commune with understanding family and neighbor, that creates quilted communities, is real. No material of its fibers and colors are independent of itself; unless it stands alone void of inclusion.

     Less we push It into something abstract that dis-avows it. Love is not a contract, it’s an allegiance; morally and with mutual integrity that displays Itself, as an outward sign of friendship. Set to become the binding mystery of Love.   

August is lazy

stillness does not seek a fight

an agreement made

 

Notes found on the refrigerator…End of July ? 2020 QUAR

 

     Who puts a half piece of toast with jelly and peanut butter in the refrigerator at midnight, after eating half of it, ten minutes before?

lightning bug dims

in the light of yesterday

story still untold

 

     *****

     So, You told me life never ends. Yet, you want me to sign a contract in blood, with my soul nailed to a post from my past; as you fiddle in hate and roast us in hell.

     You promised redemption and Angels for brides! And we would be received to life after. But what are you doing for us now? Without blood, anger or flood to keep our heads above water?

 

what season is light

when darkness seems to prevail

in hearts without love

 

Last night’s lover

She deferred her last glass of wine, to the glass topped “coffee” table. as she got up going to the bathroom and went to bed before passing out, in her summer evening night gown.

            Waking before sunrise, with a stirring and murmuring as I was falling back to sleep, I could hear her looking and finding her car keys that she had illegal parked on the curb between two maple trees.

            Leaving her underwear  between the sheets and without a parking ticket, she smiled and blew me a kiss, as her tires chirped with a happy squeal and went south for the winter.

spring rain on lush green

drips on dandelion leaf

sprouting an outlaw